Ichika's Ranting Thoughts
by sword-art-offline
Summary: This is part two of Ichika's Rant, this focuses on season 2 of the anime, and the light novels.


**This chapter is a collab between me and Thepictoad, so please tell me what you guy's think.**

**Review please!**

* * *

"Guh."

Ichika flopped onto the bed in his room, covered in sweat, he rolled over onto his right side and left a small stain on the blankets…No, it's not what you think.

Tatenashi walked into the room and sniffed. "Why does it smells like your boxers in here," She observed and cringed at the same time.

Ichika grunted, then a sick realization hit him. "Wait…How would you know what my boxers smell like?"

Tatenashi grinned and whipped out her fan, on which was written 'The world is a very weird place'. "Hmm...I wonder too." She then abruptly changed the subject "So, how did you like today's workout?"

"Tatenashi… How would you know what my underwear smells like?" Ichika said with confusion.

Tatenashi smirked, knowing she should tell the truth. Or, at least, what Ichika thought was the truth. "I tripped and fell face first into your dirty-clothes-pile," She admitted.

"_Wait, did she just say that with a triumphant voice?"_ Ichika thought.

Tatenashi let out a small huff.

"Gah, circular strafing sure is tiring," Ichika, who was wanting to change the subject said.

"I can also think of something tiring I'd want to do with you," Tatenashi said in a seductive voice.

"Whatever it is, I think I'll pass." Ichika for his own mental health replied.

"_Er, Tatenashi's face look's like a cat stalking it's prey."_ Ichika started to mentally sweat.

Tatenashi sighed. "Just go take your shower already, I-chi-ka." She then gave him a wink, and gave him a small shove towards the shower.

Ichika started to walk to the shower, then he turned around and said in a firm voice with added emphasis, "And no! Videotaping! Me! This! Time!"

Tatenashi held up her hands in a "I surrender" pose. "I won't, I promise."

After Ichika closed the door to the bathroom Tatenashi smirked.

"But that doesn't mean I won't watch you." She grinned, and started to creep to the door.

**(A few incidents later…much later)**

After Tatenashi had left the room, supposedly because of student council work, Ichika was sitting on his bed flipping through channels on television, until he found an anime that looked remotely interesting. It was about a sixteen-year-old boy who runs away from money collectors, ends up on the streets and gets to become a rich girl's butler.

"_Hayate the Combat Butler," _Ichika said, "I feel like I can relate to him a little."

As Ichika was watching the show, he did not notice something coming up behind him.

_(bzzzzz)_

**(In a hidden lab)**

On a screen was shown Ichika laying on his bed with a device on his head.

"Ok Ikkun, let's see if my invention works!" A lone Tabane Shinonono said in a cheery voice.

"Link... start!" She said right as she pushed a button, and this is what he saw.

* * *

Hayate walked into the room where Nagi was watching TV. As usual, she was watching anime.

"Ojo-sama, would you like anything?" Hayate asked in a formal manner.

"No!" Nagi shook her head. "But thanks anyway, I guess."

Hayate was momentarily stunned by Ojo-sama's good manners.

"If I may ask, Ojo-sama, what is that show you are watching?"

Nagi sighed. "It's about a boy who finds out he's the only guy who can pilot a specific mecha unit. The anime's name is Infinite Stratos."

Pretending to understand, Hayate replied, "I see. That seems very interesting, Ojo-sama. If you do not wish for anything else, I will go and continue to clean, then."

"Yeah, yeah. Go ahead, Hayate."

**(After cleaning)**

Hayate had a little free time before his next task would be taking place, so he was on the Internet to find the anime that his mistress had described.

"Hm… Oh I see, so the show is like what my lady said it was. I wonder what it would be like to be like this character." Hayate then sweat dropped.

"On second thought, I don't need any more girls chasing after me, much less girls with giant, powerful, mobile guns… Oh wait, isn't that a genre my lady described a while back?" Hayate shrugged.

"Well, no point in dissecting this anime too much, I don't wish to become like Ojo-sama." Hayate then gave a nervous laugh at his own joke.

"Still, I wonder how it would be like if my lady became an IS pilot…I bet she would be good friend's with Miss Rin." In a moment of boldness Hayate added, "They both have flat chests…"

"AHEM…"

Hayate's sweat dropped onto the floor. You could have heard the sweat hit the floor, it was that awkward of a silence.

"Ahh, Ojo-sama, ah, well, you see, um... er."

"Hayate!"

"I'm sorry ojo-sama!"

"HAY-A-TEEEEEEE!"

Hayate ran out through the door past Nagi.

Maria saw him running, and asked him, "What did you do to anger Nagi now?"

"I don't know! I was just pointing out the facts!" Hayate then paused and looked at Maria.

'_Hmm, she has about the same size as Miss Shinonono.' _Hayate thought.

Of course, his staring was not unnoticed.

"Hayate, what are you staring at?" Maria asked with a suspicious voice.

"What? Oh! I wasn't comparing your chest size to an anime character's chest size or anything like that!"`

Maria had her evil face on. "Hayate…"

"Um, if it's okay with you, Maria, I think I will go continue cleaning…"

"Yes... please do." She gave her patented scary smile.

Nagi rounded the corner with fire in her eyes. "After I kill you I'll throw you out to the streets!"

Hayate momentarily stopped. "Wait, what?" Then he started running again, away from a fuming Nagi and a creepily-staring Maria.

**(Later...again much later)**

"Guh, today was hard as usual. I'm not sure why Ojo-sama gets so mad all of a sudden sometimes...Oh wait maybe me she heard me."

Hayate waited a few hours for Nagi and Maria to cool off. Around dinnertime, Hayate returned to the Sanzenin Manor to find all the lights off. When he pushed open the large doors separating the outside from the cushy Sanzenin Manor, he a saw two figures crouching on the right.

"Hey! Who are you! Show yourself!" Hayate called out to the shadows in the corner.

"H-Hayate… It's just us… Maria and Nagi…" Maria called out.

"Why are you guys both in the corner?" Hayate asked.

"It's because…"

_(Bam!)_

A sharp force that hit Hayate's head (Which was actually Tama diving at Nagi.) knocked him out.

**_(Fast forward to the next day)_**

"Hey."

(...)

"Hey Hayate…"

"Huh."

_(Wham!)_

"Hayate!"

"Gah!"

"Hayate it's time to go!" Maria said.

"Huh? Go where?"

"You said that would escort Miss Hinagiku to her appointment, you do remember right?" Maria asked worriedly.

"Huh? Oh, sure."

"_I don't remember doing that..."_ Hayate thought.

"Well, I guess I'll be going then." Hayate finished putting on his butler uniform, and after a quick bite, left the manor.

**(Katsura's Residence, specifically, Hinagiku's)**

"Hello, is anyone home? It's me, Hayate!" Hayate politely knocked on the door.

"Yes, just a second!" A voice yelled inside.

_(click)_

"Hello Hayate." Hinagiku smiled.

"Hello, miss Hinagiku." Hayate replied politely.

"Well shall we get going?" Hinagiku asked.

"Alright let's go."

**(At a random school)**

"OwaaAAH! This place is really big!" Hinagiku exclaimed.

"Yeah, it is." Hayate said in awe also.

'_Who makes ceiling that high? It's just not economical for the air conditioning.'_ Hayate thought.

"All right, according to the map, should we should head this way for the testing?" Hinagiku said uncertain.

"Um, sure, let's do that."

"_I feel like I've seen this before?"_ Hayate thought absent-mindedly.

Hayate and Hinagiku continued to walk through the hallways, but they couldn't seem to find the room they needed to be in.

"Um, Hayate where are we?" Hinagiku asked a bit scared, she also gripped Hayate's arm a bit tighter.

"Uh... I'm not sure, the map said we should have gone this way." Hayate replied, pointing at a spot on the map.

"Well um, H-Hayate I k-kinda have to go to the bathroom." Hinagiku said embarrassed.

"Well... There is a bathroom over there." Hayate pointed at a restroom.

"Ok then, I'll be right back." Hinagiku said, with much relief, then went towards the bathroom.

After Hinagiku left, Hayate felt a hand on his shoulder.

"There you are, we've been waiting for you!" A woman in a suit said quickly, before pulling Hayate behind her.

"Wa-what are you doing!?" Hayate exclaimed.

"You have to suit up." She said quickly.

"Suit up?"

"Yes... now come on!" The woman then lead Hayate to a dark room, and then not so gently shoved him into it.

"Wah!"

_(Thud!)_

"Uh…" Hayate looked around, until he saw a silhouette to his right.

"What's that?"

The lights in the room turned on revealing a kneeling mecha type unit. The "suit" was green with a few white stripes, but looked as tough as nails.

"I feel like… I've seen this before?" Hayate said, confused.

"What this called... ahhh...uh...er, the Uchigane! It's a defensive type IS that resembles an armored samurai Ahh... It would be so cool to pilot one of these things, but... guys can't pilot these things." Hayate sighed.

"All right, mount up! Let's see what you've got!" An overhead speaker suddenly shouted, and Hayate jumped.

"W-w-wait, hold on a second! I'm a guy!" Hayate stuttered nervously.

"Are you kidding me? No person this cute is a guy."

Hayate nervously began to sweat. "But… I don't know how to…"

"Just activate the IS unit! Every female coming to this place knows how to at least operate an IS!"

"But…"

"NOW!"

Hayate looked at the door, and at the IS unit.

'_Oh man, what should I do?' _Hayate thought, '_I know! I'll go up to the IS and touch it. Since I am a boy, it won't activate, and I can leave.' _Hayate then walked up to the IS unit. When he touched the IS, unlike what he thought would happen, the IS let out a bright light and…

* * *

_**(Alarm clock beeping)**_

"Wah, huh what? Where am I?" Hayate was lying in his bed.

A light knocking on the door made Hayate jump.

"Yes, come in!" Hayate said.

"Good morning Hayate." Maria walked into the room.

"Oh, good morning, Maria." He answered back.

"I'm glad you're awake, after Tama tackled you, Nagi and I weren't sure if you would be alright." Maria said in a relieved voice.

"So I didn't walk Miss Hinagiku to the school?" Hayate said confused.

"What are you talking about?" Maria asked.

"Oh... Uh, nothing, anyway what's on the agenda today?" Hayate deeming the events he witnessed were a dream, and moved on.

"Well…" Maria started.

* * *

"Uh-huh-uh." Ichika woke up in a daze.

_(K-wap!)_

"Guh!"

_(Th-wack)_

"Ugh!" Ichika sat up.

"Wha!" '_What is Laura doing on my bed!'_

"Ah, it's morning already?" Laura lifted her head.

"Laura. you again…!" Ichika sad in a panicked voice.

Laura smirked and then stood up on the bed, with a sheet wrapped around her.

"Today though!" She started to unwrap the sheet, Ichika of course covered his eyes.

"I am not naked!" She exclaimed triumphantly, while letting the sheet fall from her shoulder.

"What are you wearing?!" Ichika exclaimed. (Laura is wearing a school swimsuit by the way)

"A brilliant XO gave me some advice." Laura said in a matter-of-fact voice.

"Seriously, you should fire that XO." Ichika said in an irritated voice.

"Let me tell you why I was waiting for you to wake up." Laura then reached in to her chest...erm swimsuit and pulled out a flyer, and handed it to Ichika.

"What is this, let's see…" Ichika started to read it "End-of-the-Summer Date and Festival...wait is this a pool event at the amusement park that they opened this year? I've wanted to check this place out!"

"Really is that so!" Laura said happily.

"I see, you can rent a yukata at the festival square." Ichika said interested.

"I-I want to wear a yukata with you…" Laura fidgeted nervously.

"Then why don't we take everyone and…"

_(Thwack!)_ Laura's only when convenient combat knife struck the wall right next to Ichika's head.

"What's going on? why is she mad?" Ichika said confused.

"Well whatever I guess I'll start to ask everyone...by the way what the heck was that dream I just had...I feel like it had something to do with a show? hmm, well who cares, it's not like someone has control over my dreams." Ichika then went and took a shower, he never noticed a device hanging from the ceiling.

**(In a Hidden Lab)**

"Yes! my mind-melding-and-connecting-two-people's-dream's invention worked!" Tabane Shinonono exclaimed happily.

"Now I can have complete control over Ikkun's dream's!" She laughed like a little child.

"This is going to be fun!"

* * *

**(At the Random School)**

_"_Hayate! where are you!" Hinagiku yelled.

* * *

**If we get enough responses we may at a later date continue Ichika's/Hayate's misadventures.**


End file.
